GLOBAL SCHOOLYARD RHYMES.

Steven of The Sneeze has begun “a gathering of international obnoxia”:

We all grew up reciting irritating rhymes. Some of us grew up primarily on the receiving end of them. Good times.
A few years ago, it occurred to me that these funny little bits of kid comedy must exist in every language all around the world, so I decided they must be collected.

He invites submissions:

Do you have a great obnoxious rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update! [sneezesteve@aol.com]
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme’s originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

And here’s a sample from Japan:

Tan Tan Tanuki no kintama wa
Kaze mo nai no ni
Bura bura bura
English Translation:
The Rac- Rac- Raccoon’s testicles are,
Despite there being no wind blowing,
Swaying, swaying, swaying

A worthy project indeed; my thanks to MrBaliHai for the link.

Comments

  1. John Thacker says:

    If wasabi is not horseradish, then a tanuki is not a raccoon. “Not even close,” you might say.
    A tanuki is a member of the dog family, Canis, and is Nyctereutes procyonoides (viverrinus). Raccoons are members of the family Procyonidae, and include for example the common procyon lotor.

  2. Fun project. Here’s one from Brazil:
    Jingle bells jingle bells
    acabou papel
    não faz mal não faz mal
    Limpa com jornal
    O jornal é caro
    Caro pra xuxú
    Como eu fazer
    para limpar meu …
    Jingle bells jingle bells”
    (Jingle bells, the toilet paper ran out. No problem, wipe with the newspaper. The newspaper is expensive. Damned expensive! What am I going to do to wipe my jingle bells jingle bells)

  3. Hey cbrayton — thanks for the great Brazilian Jingle Bells!
    As far as the tanuki goes, I changed the English translation to “Foxdog” on the site. I was told that was the literal translation.
    -Steve

  4. Why don’t you limit it to filthy versions of Jingle Bells? Here’s a Catalan take on it:
    Tinc un pèl, tinc un pèl,
    tinc un pèl al cul,
    jo en tinc dos, jo en tinc dos,
    que és un més que tu.
    In English:
    Got a hair, got a hair,
    Got a hair on me arse.
    I’ve got two, I’ve got two,
    And that’s one more than you.

  5. English:
    “Titty-sucker, motherfucker, two-ball bitch”. My son learned it when he was six. There was a bad older kid in his daycare.
    Recent, commercial: “U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, you UGLY!”
    Kids aren’t significantly nicer than adults and I don’t see a problem in that.

  6. In reading about China you end up dealing with the “fox-badger” and the “raccoon-dog”. I used to know what they were and whether they were the same or different, but I forgot it all. Ca. 300 AD to call a southern Chinese the “son of a badger” was a deathly insult, and I can’t remember whether it was a real badger or a fox-badger. Got to hit the books.

  7. It will be interesting to see how many of these exist in some form in the works of Peter and Iona Opie.

  8. An English one remembered:-
    Scab and matter custard,
    Green phlegm pie,
    Dead dogs liver and cat’s green eye,
    Turkey’s spit,
    Spread it on thick,
    and wash it all down with a cup of cold sick

  9. Kevin Sexton says:

    The version I’m familiar with is;
    Slug bug pudding,
    Green phlegm pie,
    Dead dog’s giblets, and crushed cat’s eye,
    Get a piece of toast,
    Spread it on thick,
    and wash it all down with a cup of cold sick

  10. Soft bogey pudding
    Green phlegm pie
    All mixed together with a dead dos’s eye
    If you like it, spread it on thick
    Washit down with a cup of cold sick

  11. The version my mum used to say went like this:
    (forgotten line)
    Green phlegm pie
    Runny dogs’ innards
    Oozy cats’ eye(s)
    Blood thick sandwiches
    All washed down with a cup of sick
    I always loved how the last lines didn’t fit in!
    This would be from Melbourne, Australia in about the 1950s

  12. Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
    mutilated monkey meat,
    little birdies’ turdy feet,
    great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
    and I forgot my spoon.

  13. Jonathan W says:

    The version that I remember from 1966 in West London ran as follows:
    “Ugly mugly custard, bogey snotty pie
    All mixed up in a dead dog’s eye
    Stir it, stir it, stir it thick
    Wash it all down with a hot cup of sick!”
    At this time there was ‘Davy Crocket’ on black-and-white TV, hence
    “Say what you will, school dinners make you ill
    Davy Crockett died of Shepherd’s pie.”
    There were also Robin Hood and William Tell swashbucklers, and
    “Come away, come away with William Tell
    Stick a knife up his arse and he runs like Hell…!”
    which earned me a slap. Might well have been of my own invention. LoL

  14. Caroline says:

    The version we sang in NW London around the late 50s early 60s was a bit different:
    Cheese and tomato, snot and bogey pie
    All mashed up with a dead dog’s eye
    Get a lump of bread and spread it on thick
    All washed down with a hot cup of sick

  15. great green globs of greasy grimy gofer guts,
    mutilated monkey meat,
    little birdies bloody feet,
    french fried eyeballs rolling in a frying pan but i forgot my spoon,
    so they gave me a scab sandwich,
    with pus on top,
    monkey vomit, and camel slop,
    elephant eyeball split in two,
    eat it _________ (person in room) its good for you!

  16. I’m looking for the ending of a schoolyard song and it’s been bugging me for some time now. please if anybody knows it, put an end to my suffering. It goeslike this:
    Miss Suzy had a steamboat,
    the steamboat had a bell,
    miss Suzy went to heaven,
    the steamboat went to helllllo….
    operator give number nine,
    and if you disconnect me,
    i’ll kick you in the behind…..
    the refridgerator there was a piece of glass
    miss suzy sat upon it and
    broke her little assssk….
    me no more questions,
    tell me no more lies
    ?????????????????????????????
    ????????????????????????????

  17. Suzy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell. . Suzy went to heaven,the steamboat went to hell-o operator,please give me number nine, if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you behind the ‘frigerator, there was a piece of glass. . Suzy sat upon it and broke her little – ask me no more questions,I’ll tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their – flies are in the meadow, bees are in the park. My sister and her boyfriend are kissing in the …The dark is like the movies. The movie’s like a show .The show is like the TV., And that is all I know

  18. Andrew Dunbar says:

    Willy was a watchdog sitting in the grass
    Along came a bumble bee and bit him on the…
    Ask your mother for sixpence to see the big giraffe
    Whiskers on its pimples, pimples on its…
    Ask your mother for sixpence to see uncle Jim
    Diving in the piss pot learning how to swim
    First he does the backstroke then he does the crawl
    Over goes the piss pot, uncle Jim and all
    There must be thousands of variants – this isn’t even a good one but it’s the one still in my head after all these years.

  19. beauty queen says:

    a favourite from my childhood:
    snot and bogey pasty
    green fly pie
    Mix it altogether
    with a dead dog’s eye
    spread it on toast
    very very very thick
    and wash it all down
    with a cup of cold sick

  20. The version I knew from from north Oxford the early 1950′s was:
    Hot snot and bogey pie
    All mixed up with a dead dogs eye
    Stir it thick with a stick
    Then wash it down with a bucket of sick.

  21. Jeremy O'Connor says:

    2 more lines of Davey Crockett
    “Say what you will, school dinners make you ill
    Davy Crockett died of Shepherd’s pie.”
    Peas are slimey, muck,Cor Blimey!
    diddle di dum di di di diddle di dee.

  22. Miss Suzy had a steamboat,
    the steamboat had a bell,
    miss Suzy went to heaven,
    the steamboat went to helllllo….
    operator give number nine,
    and if you disconnect me,
    i’ll kick you in the behind…..
    the refridgerator there was a piece of glass
    miss suzy sat upon it and
    broke her little assssk….
    me no more questions,
    tell me no more lies
    ?????????????????????????????
    ????????????????????????????
    the boyz r in the bathroom zipping up their
    flys are in the city
    bees are in the park miss suzy and her boyfrined are kissing in the d-a-r-k dark dark darker than the ocean darker then the sea darker then the panties my momma put on me!!!!

  23. What I remember is:
    No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks, when the principle rings the bell, kick him down and run like…
    hello operater, give me number nine, and if you disconnect me, I’ll cut off your…
    beind the ‘frigerator, there was a piece of glass, miss suzy sat upon it, and cut her little…
    ask me not more questions, tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathrooom, zipping up thier…
    flies are in the meadow, bees are in their hives, Miss Suzy’s with her boyfriend, kissing in the D.A.R.K. D.A.R.K. dark, dark, dark!
    My mother was Godzilla, my father was King Kong, which is why my sister wears a 40 acre bra, BRA! BRA!

  24. The complete Susie song that I know is:
    Miss Susie had a steamboat
    The steamboat had a bell
    Miss Susie went to Heaven
    The steamboat went to
    Hello operator
    Please give me number nine
    And if you disconnect me,
    I’ll kick you right
    Behind the refrigerator
    There was a piece of glass
    Miss Susie sat upon it
    And it went right up her
    Ask me no more questions
    Tell me no more lies
    The boys are in the girls’ room
    Zipping up their
    Flies are in the meadow
    The bees are in the park
    They boys and girls are kissing in the
    D-A-R-K
    [fast] DARK, DARK, DARK
    Dark is like a movie
    A movie’s like a show
    A show is like a TV screen
    And that is all
    I know I know my mother
    I know I know my pa
    I know I know my sister
    With the alligator bra!

  25. Grew up in Southeastern Wisconsin. Our version had a different ending.
    Suzy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell. . Suzy went to heaven,the steamboat went to hell-o operator,please give me number nine, if you disconnect me, I’ll kick right behind the ‘frigerator, there was a piece of glass. . Miss Suzy sat upon it and broke her little – ask me no more questions,I’ll tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their – flies are in the meadow, bees are in the park. The boys and girls in the park, “smack, smack” (make kissing noise twice) in the dark, dark, dark.

  26. Does anyone know the missing parts of the following?
    Polly had some lemonade.
    Polly had some beer.
    Polly had some _______
    That made her feel so queer.
    UP came the lemonade!
    UP came the beer!
    UP came the ______
    that made her feel so queer.
    Call for the doctor!
    Call for the nurse!
    Call for the lady
    With the alligator purse!
    In came the doctor.
    In came the nurse.
    In came the lady
    With the alligator purse.
    Following verses…..???

  27. I’m not familiar with your version, but reading it reminds me of one that was similiar.
    Miss Suzie had a baby,
    His name was Tiny Tim,
    She put him in the bathtub,
    To see if he could swim.
    He drank up all the water,
    He ate up all the soap,
    He tried to eat the bathtub,
    But it wouldn’t go down his throat.
    Miss Suzie called the doctor,
    The doctor called the nurse,
    The nurse called the lady
    With the alligator purse.
    In came the doctor,
    In came the nurse,
    In came the lady
    With the alligator purse.
    “Measles”, said the doctor,
    “Measles”, said the nurse,
    “Pizza!”, said the lady
    With the alligator purse.
    Out went the doctor,
    Out went the nurse,
    Out went the lady
    With the alligator purse.

  28. Here’s the variation of the “Miss Susie” rhyme that we sung where I live in elementary school. (Mid-1990s.)
    “Miss Susie had a steamboat
    The steamboat had a bell (ding-ding!)
    Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to–
    Hell-o operator, please give me number nine
    And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you from
    Behind the ‘frigerator, there was a piece of glass
    Miss Susie sat upon it, and broke her little–
    Ask me no more questions, please tell me no more lies
    The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their–
    Flies are in the meadow, the bees are in the park
    Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the
    D-A-R-K
    D-A-R-K
    Dark dark dark!
    The dark is like a movie
    The movie’s like a show
    The show is like a TV
    And that is all I know
    I know my ma
    I know I know my pa
    I know I know my sister with the 40-acre bra!
    My mom gave me a penny
    My dad gave me a dime
    My sister gave me a boyfriend, who looks like Frankenstein!
    He made me wash the dishes
    He made me wash the floor
    He made me wash his underwear so I kicked him out the door!
    I kicked him over London
    I kicked him over France
    I kicked him over Hawaii where they do the hula-dance! (hula-hula!)”

  29. my elementary school version Macon,Georgia(mid to late 80′s)
    Miss Suzy had a steamboat
    the steamboat had a bell
    Miss Suzy went to heaven
    the steamboat went to
    hello operator
    give me number nine
    if you disconnect me
    i will kick you in the
    behind the fridgerator
    there was a piece of glass
    Miss Suzy sat upon it
    and hurt her little
    ask me no more questions
    I’ll tell you no more lies
    this is what Miss Suzy said
    the day before she died.

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