At last, the solution to all the wearisome arguments over “good” and “bad” English! The Original English Movement is here to rescue us:
For decades descriptive linguists and professional prescriptivists—technical writers, editors, and English teachers—have been at war. As most linguists know all too well, the prescriptivists say that descriptivism is at best a weak philosophy of usage, and at worst an invitation to grammatical chaos. However, too many prescriptivists maintain what is, to descriptivists, an illogical position: language should not change—or at least not until all the opponents of a particular change are long dead.
All that is about to end!
Never again must we argue about whether singular they is an aberration or a useful and much-needed dialectal “innovation”, legitimized by a centuries-long history.
Never again will we discuss the logic of the prohibition against splitting infinitives, asking whether “to go boldly” sounds stupid, or whether traditions in translating Biblical Greek and Latin should have any sway over modern usage.
Never again need we fear to ask who the bell tolls for, or for whom the bell tolls, or where prepositions really belong, or whether the case system of English is dead yet.
The Original English Movement seeks to resolve this conflict and end this struggle by fully embracing the notion that English should not change—not now, not in the future, not even in the past.
Our goal is to bring forth a new body, The Academy of The English Language, whose function is to preside over the correctness of the English Language in the Americas and the British Commonwealth. And by speaking of the English Language, we mean the real, Original English Language—that used by the Anglo-Saxons a thousand years ago to tell the story of Beowulf.
You can send financial support to their World Headquarters and Main Mead Hall (“For reasons of orthographic purity, we prefer to accept donations in Icelandic krona”); I trust all upholders of True English will join this brave cause, and I expect William Safire’s next column to be in Anglo-Saxon. (Link via wood s lot.)
To help you get started, here’s a list of computer terms in Old English.