Jack Shafer has done a follow-up on the “bus plunge” piece I wrote about here; it turns out the headline for the “bisexual snail” story is probably unrecoverable:

Tina Orzoco of ProQuest valiantly searched the company’s vast databases in an attempt to locate the hed for Allan M. Siegal’s favorite K-hed of all time—”Most snails are both male and female, according to the Associated Press.” Orzoco failed, Siegal writes, because timeless filler such as the snail story ran in early editions only, “and was replaced thereafter by live news. And the microfilm edition of the Times—now the basis of ProQuest—was the final edition.”

But on the brighter side, Bernard Adelsberger guarantees that the old Philadelphia Bulletin once published this K-hed:

No Blood in Ants
Ants have no blood.


  1. I am sure the reason is absolutely different, but NYT keeps extolling us to “Remember the neediest!”

  2. January First-of-May says

    Это очень интересно –
    Поглядеть на муравья,
    Это очень интересно,
    Как живёт его семья?
    Нелегко живётся ей,
    Потому что меньше кошки,
    Меньше мухи, меньше мошки,
    Всех он меньше, муравей!

    …The Yunna Morits poem that these lines come from is apparently a good deal shorter than I thought; out of the 34 canonical lines, there are only 7 that I did not recall already. (And they’re about the worst parts of the poem, unfortunately, which meant my imaginary version of the poem was a good deal better than the reality/)
    I do not know whether there’s any English translation, either.

  3. I just provided archived links to the Jack Shafer pieces linked here and in the original Bus Plunge post; they still make me laugh and reminisce.

  4. David Eddyshaw says

    Ach, the disappointment. I thought this would be the title of a summer blockbuster movie. With Bruce Willis, or at least Vin Diesel.

  5. I’m reminded of a piece in a scrapbook of some sort that the Monty Pythons published years ago. One page was from a fake local newspaper, and one of the stories had the headline “Pidlington must move with the times, says Mayor.” Under that was a picture of John Cleese in mayoral clothing, followed by the full story: “In a speech last week to the Rotary Club, the Mayor said that Pidlington must move with the times.”

  6. PlasticPaddy says

    @jfom (6 years too late!)


    муз. С. Никитина, слова Ю. Мориц

    Это очень интересно, от кого река бежит,
    Это очень интересно, что в трамвае дребезжит?
    Отчего сворец поёт? Почему медведь ревёт?
    Почему один в берлоге, а другой в гнезде живёт?

    Это очень интересно, кто деревья посадил,
    Кто придумал крокодилу это слово «крокодил»?
    Кто назвал слоном слона, это очень интересно,
    Кто сазану и фазану дал такие такие имена?

    Это очень интересно, поглядеть на муравья,
    Это очень интересно, как живёт его семья.
    Нелегко живётся ей, потому что меньше крошки,
    Меньше мухи, меньше мошки – всех он меньше, муравей!

    Это очень интересно, почему молчит коза?
    Это очень интересно, в барабан ли бьёт гроза?
    Это, это же чудесно, что у всех, у всех людей
    И у всех, у всех детей на лице живут глаза!

    I found what appears to be a machine aided translation and have made suggestions [their translation in square brackets]


    Muz. S. Nikitin, [Yu] words Yu Moritz

    This is very interesting, who makes the river run [from whom the river runs],
    It is very interesting, what makes the tram rattle [ that in the tram rattles]?
    Why the starling [Suarez (sic!)] sings? Why the bear roars?
    Why one in the den, and the other lives in the nest?

    This is very interesting, who planted the trees,
    Who came up with the word crocodile for crocoiles [the crocodile it is the word “crocodile”]?
    Who called an elephant an elephant, it is very interesting
    Who gave such similar names to eagles and beagles* [carp and pheasant gave such names as such]?

    It is very interesting to look at the ant,
    It’s very interesting how his family lives[ how the lives of his family. ]
    Her life is not easy, because she is smaller than [less] crumbs
    Smaller than [Less] flies, smaller than [less] flies – he is smaller than everyone, the ant[all it is smaller ant!]
    This is very interesting, why is the goat silent [silent goat]?
    This is very interesting, does a drum beat inside the storm? [if the drum beats storm?]
    It’s wonderful that eyes live on every single persons’s and every single child’s face![all, all people
    And all, all children face living eyes!]

    * eagle and beagle instead of Russian saZAn and faZAn

    source: http://slushat-tekst-pesni.ru/tatyana-i-sergei-nikitiny/eto-ochen-interesno

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